Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
