Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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