I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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