bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
