A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
