69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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