I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
