How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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