you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
