Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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