Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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