conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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