Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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