Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
