you traded sex for a burrito?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
