16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
