The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just invented taco cereal.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
