11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
