Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
