When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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