I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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