We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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