I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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