return my video game
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i out mim tonsoeep
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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