You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
