i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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