idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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