your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
