he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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