Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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