HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
