no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
