Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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