You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
