I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
