Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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