Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize