i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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