i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
