My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
