operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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