she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
