She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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