Yo dont text me then not text me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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