i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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