i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
