I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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