Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I need mimosas to revive my soul
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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