Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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