conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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