i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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