I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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