Where did you get a picture of my penis
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
