I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
