wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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