I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
