Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
