Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
