You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
