yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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