Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
