I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
