Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
