My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
