I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize