hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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