I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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