wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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