The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Who put my cat in the fridge?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize