Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
