So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
