Barsexuality is the new black.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
